Bringing up girls... and other thoughts on children...

When we first got married DH and I wanted to wait at least five years before having any children, Diva was born two years after. God laughs at our plans. While she wasn't a complete surprise she wasn't planned either, nor were we preventing. I call her our souvenir from Disney world. Both the girls were conceived in the same month, we (the girls and I) share the same birth month.
I remember wanting a boy first, I am unsure why, I just did. I, of course first and foremost wanted a healthy baby and in the end I knew I wanted more than one (four to be exact) children. So it didn't matter how they came really. When I found out I was having Diva I was a little surprised and so excited shortly after. We already had a name picked out for her, we had decided on it while DH was deployed. I was so excited, I loved being pregnant aside from aches and pains, I was very blessed with easy pregnancies and easy deliveries. I had diet controlled gestational diabetes with Diva, DH thinks I was wrongly diagnosed in spite of my (failed) 3 hour GTT. Each time I saw a different doc at the clinic when my mid wife was gone they would read my chart and act surprised that I had GD because I was so thin.
Waiting for Diva's a arrival was so exciting, planning her nursery, buying clothes and moving rooms around. I do remember how overwhelming it was at times just thinking to myself how on earth are we going to raise this child? Teach her about Christ? What if she chooses to not accept His gift of salvation? How could I protect her from all the things my parents tried to protect me from? How inadequate I was for such a gift! God in his grace and mercy chose to bless me in spite of myself. Would I be able to honor Him? I had failed so many times. All my life I wanted to be a mom, nothing could prepare me for the intense love I would feel, not only for Diva but also for DH and Christ, just realizing just a small fraction of what it cost God for me, for my salvation just getting a glimpse in my small human mind how great the sacrifice really was. Who am I Lord that you are mindful of me? What is it about us, about humans? That you love us so? Our humanity at times sickens me. Any goodness in us is merely a reflection of our Creator.
When Diva was born, in record time by the way less than an hour of labor, no meds, no rips, 4 pushes and no complications- Thank you JESUS, I wasn't sure how DH would be with her, I knew he would be a wonderful father to an older child and a toddler, but I was curious about this baby stage. He took to her like ducks to water, he was like putty in her little hands. He held her, rocked her, napped with her, fed her, changed her, played with her, got her in the middle of the night to bring her to me for feedings and changed her and put her back down while I tried to get some sleep. There he was my big, tough, strong DH so gentle and tender. Oh I knew he was gentle and tender, he had always been with me, always loving, kind, gentle and patient with me but seeing him be that way to someone else, to our little girls still melts my heart each time.
Diva has grown into a strong independent toddler. She has her way of doing things, saying things her own ways of playing. She's got a "mind like a steel trap" I tell her, she remembers everything. She's smart, has an amazing vocabulary and loves to dance. She loves Jesus, she prays the sweetest prayers, knows psalm 23 and loves Sunday school. Of course I still pray for her, both the girls. For them to come to a saving knowledge of Christ, for them to love Him with all their heart, mind and soul. For protection, wisdom- Lord give us wisdom. It's hard to believe the little peanut of a baby we brought home from the hospital is a tall, walking, talking child. I still remember her kicks when I was pregnant with her. I wonder what God has in store for her? What plans He has for her? How He will use her to bless others? To bear witness to Himself? I pray that she will honor Him and seek His face with all her heart. I don't know the plans but I know that they are plans for good and not for evil to give her a future and a hope.
My little Piglet, it's amazing to me that the girls can be so much alike in some ways and so different in others. God has truly fashioned them, they are very much individuals. In every way that Diva is shy and reserved Piglet is outgoing, personable, she has never met a stranger. It sometimes worries me that she is so willing to go to just about anyone and love on them. She's got great comedic timing for a baby of 15 months, so loving and affectionate. When DH came home from this deployment she went right to him, at dinner that night she was blowing kisses at him from her highchair. I was a little worried about how Diva would react to a baby in the house, she loved Piglet from the beginning (of course, all she did was nurse, sleep and snuggle) it wasn't until Piglet was more mobile that Diva got territorial. They say that when you have another child your heart just grows, that somehow you just have more love you don't really share the love that you have for any children you might already have. Somehow that is true, when you have your first child you are so overwhelmed with love you think you can't possibly fall in love like this all over again, that there just isn't enough love in the world to go around, but then you hold that second baby and somehow God grows your heart. How blessed are we that we have not one but TWO beautiful girls. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I know I said in the beginning that I originally wanted four children, preferably two boys and two girls. But in the five years that we have been married DH has deployed 7 times, and gone over half our marriage. I am unsure I could handle another child at this point, I know that God would grant me the grace and get me through it if He wanted to bless us I would be happy with that, but there are no plans for more children at this point. Although I keep hearing that we need to "try for a boy", to be honest with you I wouldn't know what to do with a boy if we had one. I am excited to raise two girls, to see where God takes each of them, to help them cultivate a lasting friendship with each other.
It's not that I had hard pregnancies, as I stated my pregnancy, labor and delivery with Diva were fairly easy, I mean labor is never a walk in the park but mine was compared to stories I had heard, my pregnancy with Piglet was much the same as it was with Diva, different in that I had a toddler to chase after. My labor while a bit longer- 4 hours was still nothing compared to stories I have heard people tell. I thank God for that... He must know I am a total wimp.
With Piglet we knew we were having a girl without a doubt, and I was so excited a sister for Diva and another baby girl for us! God has truly blessed us.
I have rambled on long enough I need to get to bed...
I leave with a poem that was shared with me when I was pregnant with Piglet...

LOVING TWO

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.
Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder, how could I love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you.
I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" and I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't".
Knowing in fact that I never can again.
You cry, I cry with you.
I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.
The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just us two.
There are new times -- only now we are three.
I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you, as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.
I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered to my amazement.
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you, only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love.
There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.

I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life.

---Author Unknown