Of course the shoes fit, God is perfect...

The past three weeks have been in the valley. And through that valley I’ve walked, crawled and been carried- sometimes, kicking and screaming. It’s just one of those things. Just a trial- one to glean understanding from. I get that, some days I just feel done. Some days I don’t want to glean and I sure as heck don’t want to walk. Yea though I WALK through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, YOU are with me. YOUR rod and YOUR staff they comfort me. Ummm… Can I just lay down beside the still waters? Sure that’s not exciting or eventful. But it is calm, restful, peaceful.  I need that. Yet in the valley, there still is that peace that surpasses all understanding. It just washes over you to give you rest. There is rest in the valley too, you just have to get back up and “keep swimming” after a bit.

-Philippians 4:7 …and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Yesterday was one of those days, rocky valley. We took DH to the doctor finally, after a whole lot of nonsense that has made me want to pull my hair out. The doctor, to top it all off, like a slap in the face said had we seen him weeks before this could be resolved, now things are uncertain. ARE YOU SERIOUS? We tried to get in. Now, this is not the doc’s fault. He was nice and very helpful- best we’ve seen so far. The thing is the system seems to be the most inefficient system ever. Now more tests are needed, but the doc couldn’t order them. You have to go BACK to a primary for that. It’s unreal. I don’t need to get into any more detail. Yesterday I was LIVID. Cried a little. Ranted. But God, I love that, BUT GOD. When you see that in the bible, it’s like despair… sadness… trials…  in previous verses and then two beautiful words BUT GOD. He’s so much bigger than our trials and problems. He loves us so much that He provided for our redemption, do we really think that after all of that He would leave us wandering, floundering? No, not in His perfect LOVE. God stepped in. He didn’t pick us up out of the valley and put us in the pastures. But God, in his love sent me a little pick me up that only I would look at and just realize, you know what?  God  1- loves me dearly and has got this under control and 2- has a wicked sense of humor. It’s going to seem so little in the scheme of things, but it doesn’t matter, God is a God of small wonders too. More on that later.

-Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

-1 Samuel 23:14 David stayed in the desert strongholds and in the hills of the Desert of Ziph. Day after day Saul searched for him, but God did not give David into his hands.

-Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail,  but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

-Ephesians 2:-12-13 that at that time you were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

 I’m praying for a miracle, and it’s a good thing that God is a God of miracles. He’s never late, or inefficient. He already knew the results of the tests before we took them. He knew we would have to wait for the results. Maybe it was best we had to wait. So He  could work. Perhaps I need to step aside and let a big God do big things. Sure if we had gotten in weeks ago the doc could have done his job- but still not without risks. God doesn’t say well… I can do this for you. Here are the risks, sign on the dotted line showing you understand that this 1- may not work but it’s a 90% chance it will, 2-  you might have other complications. God never says, well- if you could have gotten in weeks ago I could have fixed this. Nope, God’s timing is perfect. He doesn’t say things could have been or that He can try and there’s a good chance things will be ok. He says this IS for my glory, and WILL be done for good and not evil and the end result will be without risks, just blessings.  He is the God of here and now, and yes of both past and future. He is hope. He is the great Physician.  There’s no waiting to see Him. No ritual, no referrals, no middle man but one- who has already paid the price so we can boldly approach the throne of grace. Yes, there is One mediator between God and man and that is Christ Jesus who paid the price, justified us by his blood and healed our transgression.  Jesus’ sacrifices makes it so there is no middle man.

-Isaiah 55:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

I’m not going to be upset or angry anymore about an imperfect system. I’m going to trust that God is in control of all of it. God is timeless. He already knows. I’m not going to sit around and do nothing of course. But I am going to remember that I may not see every side to this BUT GOD does. He’s been ever faithful, I know that He will  be ever faithful in this also. I will walk through this valley with Him, and a lot of the times He will carry me, He will shelter me and comfort me under the shadow of His wings. When it is time to come out of the valley, He will take just as much care in seeing that I rest in the green pastures and enjoy the sunshine as He did getting me safely through the valley.

-Psalm 36:7 How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

I have always said that there is just something about a pair of shoes that can brighten my day. Make me feel feminine, powerful and just good. It sounds absurd, but it’s true. There is something to be said about retail therapy and a good pair of shoes. Perhaps not the most healthy and frugal. The feeling is failing, it passes and fades unlike true joy from God, I understand this. God knows my heart. Yet yesterday in all my thinking about this and trying my best to let go of it all and just going back and forth with God- UPS came. To my surprise a package that shipped just 24 hours before was on my doorstep. A package that was not supposed to get here for 5-7 business days. A package that while I was excited about, I had a feeling I would have to exchange because I was certain I ordered the wrong size. I even went to the mall and tried the exact same shoes on and said, “UGH, I should have ordered them in this size instead” was at my door. I just laughed and there was this peace that washed over me. It's crazy, perhaps stupid, but for some odd reason I just felt like God was telling to get it together and let Him BE.  It was like God was saying, “you know what? Yes things suck right now, but I’m bigger than that. I can take care of the big things, and you know what else? I am a God of the little things too. Even the ones that are silly. The ones that would seem stupid to anyone else, but because it makes you happy K, I’m ok with it. I want you to be happy. I want you to know that this little package is my way of saying, I am here. I know about everything, I’m going to take care of it. I know you so very well, every little detail… every hair on your head. I love you that much. Yes even the two completely white strands you found the other day and freaked out about, I know about those too. Chill out, I got this. I am YOUR God.” And you know what? True to God and the way He works so perfectly, somehow…. the shoes fit- perfectly. Thank you Jesus. I love you. I'm sorry these are lessons I have to learn over so often.