Building of the Walls

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I've been chewing on last weeks sermon quite a bit. Even though our pastor wasn't talking about building of actual walls, and more about doing God's work, whatever it may be that he has called us to. The sermon has weighed (in a wonderful way) on my heart. Here's a link to it.

Some of you may know that we've been in the process of building a home. This process started in 2012. Needless to say it's been a long road. I never expected or dreamed it would take this long. We were told 9-12 months. It's 2014 peeps.

As a child my parents had our childhood home built, and of course as a kid I had no responsibilities. No contracts to sign, no decisions to make. You just move in one day. After DH and I got married and PCS'd to Florida we purchased a home from a builder. The lot was cleared, and the lady had backed out. So we stepped in. For all the fun stuff. Pouring of the foundation, flooring, picking our counter tops. You know, the fun stuff. Permits had long been gotten. We got to watch the frame get put up. We could SEE progress. That's the thing about paperwork, permits, and the other "stuff". There's not much excitement in that. This time around hasn't been as pleasant as memory serves me for the other two builds. This time around hasn't been all roses and frolicking baby unicorns...

Before I go any further let me say this- I am WELL aware of how blessed , how VERY blessed we are. That as I write this there are people who have no shelter at all. This is truly a first world problem. I know it. Judge me if you must, but know that I'm fully aware of the blessings in my life.
I'm also fully aware of the risks of building as a military family. I know that being in the military means that things are set "in mud". That orders can change as fast as you can say, "I have orders in hand". Things/plans change, nothing is guaranteed. Knowing all of this we still decided to build. For several reasons, some listed here, some not. Graduation was/is a ways off, so we're sure we'll be around until then. No other real estate caught our eye. This neighborhood and school district is highly sought after. When we moved here five years ago, we had also had it in mind that we would build. I prayed about this, I PRAY about this. There was/is peace. The only time where there wasn't peace was when I lost sight of many things. One thing was that life isn't supposed to be easy. Just because something is in God's plan doesn't mean it's not going to take work and perseverance. Paul calls this a race. Races aren't a stroll in the park. Races take training, and hard work. So, we had peace, open doors, and a race to run, walls to build.

 Then there were road blocks. Lots of them. Rules, different rules for the city. Different rules for the county. Permits from the city, and also the county. Everyone needs to see the plans. Plans need to be redrawn. Because, different rules for different places. If you've ever built a house in a major city where there's not a lot of land, in a historical district. Well, you know what I'm talking about. Permits to take trees down. Plans and maps plotting where to install fences to protect other trees. Licenses for the people who mix special fertilizer according to readings from the soil samples to fertilize and prune said trees. Ask me how much that costs. I love trees, I really do. But wow. Regulations, everyone has them. We've redrawn plans, deleted rooms *sniff*.  Most recently, and very sadly an illness, and a family in mourning.
Slowly I began to just get tired. Tired of just "one more thing". Tired of no progress, tired of following up, wondering if this is what we needed to be doing. Asking God, to just close the door or move things along. 

A few weeks ago I felt so done.  One day I was driving by the property and I just felt a tug. So I made a quick turn and pulled into the driveway, and prayed. I just prayed. Not my usual walking around the property, asking God to bless those who would be working there, to keep them safe, asking God to bless our time there, to use us and the place for him. No, I just prayed for God's will. For his guidance. For him to close doors, or keep them open. I didn't care, I just wanted to be in his will. Take it, leave it, whatever it is, but you Lord, I need. Doesn't matter what, where, or how. I just want to be in your will Lord. I only want to be here, if you want me here. If this is your will than however crazy, however frustrating, or tiring, I want to be here. I want you. If it isn't your will, I'm ready and willing to walk away. Not an easy thing since we so looked forward to moving in, sure it's not our "forever home" or our "dream home". Still. It was freeing to just say "I'm done". I was never in control of how things moved along, but I admit things seem to get done more when I was ... well, checking up on people. All. The. Time. Which is fine, I wasn't rude, or didn't think I was. But it was tiring. Let it go.

I had this moment of thinking, "Surely this can't be God's will? Too many road blocks, too much WORK. Too hard". I'm a Christian dang it. I'm supposed to walk this perfectly paved, flower lined road in my WWJD shirt and show the world that THIS is what it looks like to be a Christian (BWAHAHA). THIS is what it looks like to be in God's will. Smooth sailing baby, because GOD is my Co-pilot. JK, I don't ever say that, because it's wrong. He's not ever asked to be the co-pilot, not just the pilot even, but everything. The plane, the controls, everything. The very air, the current. He IS.

I understand that sometimes doors fly open and you feel like the wind is just pushing you through everyone, sailing along, easy peasy. Walking along, fist bumping Jesus every morning as you hop out of bed and settle down for hours of drinking in the Word. But folks, we still live in a fallen world, and I'm still a sinner. That's not an excuse. That's just a fact. Peaks and mountain tops mean that there are also valley's and shadows.

Not too long ago I was going through Nehemiah (HERE). I blogged a little about it, surprisingly. Since I don't hardly ever blog here, just on GPAC. Regardless, building walls, having a vision, being in God's will. I love the book. The faith of Nehemiah, the people, the peace, how easy it was for them being in God's will... no wait. No. Not that. It wasn't easy. There was opposition, danger, weariness. If I were alive during this time and I was there at the wall, if I couldn't speed through the times of trouble in the text to the end where the wall was (YAY!) completed. I would have grown weary, I would have wavered, and struggled.  It wasn't easy for them. How could that be? They were in God's will, they were God's PEOPLE, doing what God wanted. The king gave them permission and safe passage. But they still got tired, still hit roadblocks, still faced opposition. Where's the Christian fast lane? Where there's no traffic, just smooth road? It was still work. Walking with God, running the race. Hand to the plow. Carry on. 

Pastor J said this last Sunday-

Knowing God, and especially serving God, is not always easy – it can be hard, challenging, and exhausting at times.  But don’t assume that simply because something is hard that it’s wrong.  And don’t give up.  Don’t walk away from half-built walls.  Remember God and continue the work.

How very true! 

To be VERY clear, I'm not saying building a family home is comparable to something as important as Jerusalem's walls. But this just hit home for me. What was I expecting?
It's God's will for me to be my children's parent. So naturally it should be EASY, and they should love me dearly for being so PERFECT. Right?

It's God's will for me to stay married to my DH, so naturally marriage is ALWAYS EASY. No bumps, no disagreements. Right?

No, not always. There is joy in those things. But it's not always fun. Work is not always fun.
The thing about Nehemiah is that he never freaked out. Never wondered if he should be doing what he was doing. He just hit his knees. Praised God. Asked for guidance. He didn't get freak out. He didn't whine. He was grounded. His peace was God, and in spite of all that was going on OUTSIDE  and AROUND him. INSIDE he had peace, he clung to that peace.
Dear God even if it's not these walls, help me to cling to you and your peace always.

So, back to the house. I decided. I would shut up and pray about it. Praying was good, keeping my mouth shut took some effort. But I decided I would pray and let DH decide. Whatever he decided I would come along side him. I prayed for God to guide him. For him to hear God. On day 3 or so I was asking DH questions, "did you write so and so back yet?" I mean FOR REAL people it was not even a WEEK. I had to shut up. Looking back at it, DH was home for a whole week. No school, no lab. No experiments to tend to because of the snow and illness. Illness=sucks. But being home also meant that he could actually THINK. Usually he's running around and I don't know that he ever gets a break. Well, a whole week. I just wanted answers, but I really feel that the week gave DH time to look things over. See where we should go next. Hindsight I tell you.

Tonight we met with a new contractor, long story on that one. Anyway, there are kinks to work out. Our new contractor is, I feel a God send. He's highly recommended, he couldn't believe what we've gone through, he's currently having his home built (nothing like running a race together right?), AND all the calling around I was doing? He's going to do it. Thank you Jesus. 

But really, I feel good. I feel peace. We'll continue to walk, our contractor will go down the checklist of things to be done, keep us in the loop. I'll pray. Eventually we'll break ground. But interestingly enough I know it will get done. Most importantly I'm praying that God WILL bless all those involved. That he will somehow use me, use our family to draw people closer to him. I believe that tonight, he already did that. After the meeting with the contractor I received and email from him. It was about our children who where there with us. Nothing to do with the house at all. I'm okay with that. It's good to be a blessing.

 So, hand to the plow. Regardless of pot holes, road blocks, and all that's around me, God's peace within me always, I pray.