Some days I joke that I need to just set aside money for my kids’ therapy bills. No joke though, I’m not a perfect mother, I may not even be an awesome mother. But I love my children. Is love enough? Enough to instill in them love, kindness, patience, self control, the knowledge of Christ? There are days I want to sit in a corner and cry (#Fail). There are days where I surrender (not to them but just to everything going on) and we just sit, snuggle and watch movies, days where I truly wonder if I’m screwing up my kids and why anyone would let me be their mother. Mommy guilt sucks. It’s only by God’s grace and mercy that my children are as wonderful as they are. God doesn’t make mistakes, yet sometimes I wonder if I’m just a disappointment. Oh I know, God’s perfect love covers a multitude of sin. I know that He’s begun a work in me and has promised to complete it. I know. Some days, my head knows, but my heart wonders what the heck is going on. I want the best for my children. Maybe this is one of those, well God knows what's best and what *I* think is the best for them just may not be? Let us hope and pray so.
I just pray that they will see past/through me, my short comings and my flesh and see Christ. That they would grow in His grace, His knowledge and the knowledge of Him. That in spite of all that I am not, they will see all that I have become and continue to grow into, because of God and His grace. That they will see a light and love in me that warms them. Because, just like them, I am a work in progress, I need, just like they do, a BIG God, a REAL, LIVE, LIVING, LOVING, MERCIFUL God. Who loves me with a perfect love. That they will always know that I love them AND that I make mistakes. I acknowledge my mistakes, I ask for forgiveness. I get back up and try again.
Maybe that’s wrong, maybe I should want to be that mom (And some days I do) that every kid just thinks is perfect. A saint. You’ve heard it before. “Mom, she was/is a saint.” Now by true biblical definition I am a saint, but that’s neither here nor there. Truth is, I just want to be the mom God wants me to be and I'm failing miserably some days. My kids aren’t dumb, they know I’m not perfect, I forget things, I make mistakes, I lose it, I'm a sinner- OK they haven't called that one but they know when I'm not following God's rules. And, I’m not always OK with that- but it's par for the course. I just pray that they will also know and see that I get back up, turn around and keep walking. OK... sometimes I crawl, but I'm up.
Because, I need Him too.
Just. Click. Publish post.
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